💖📝 'Dear Mom,' 👩‍❤️‍👩💖

🖤🌹 (2 TIMOTHY 1:5) 📖🖤 This shall be my October blog - post, but, today, as, I begin writing it, is - Thursday, 9/5/19...and, Momma Anna has been in Heaven, one month, plus, four days❣️💔 'CHARITY' (definition), "in Christian thought, is the HIGHEST form of LOVE, signifying the reciprocal LOVE between GOD and man that is made manifest in UNSELFISH LOVE of one's fellow man. Saint Paul's classical description of CHARITY is found in The Bible's New Testament (1 Corinthians - chapter 13)"❣️✝️ Last week, Marcia, one of my "bffs," asked me how I was doing, and after, I responded with a few sad answers, such as, "I cannot fathom never, seeing nor talking to, her - ever again - while on this earth," etc., suggested that, maybe it would be therapeutic for me to write her a letter, and/or, write to her - on my blog❣️Therefore, considering this to be good advice (thank you - Marcia❣️😘💗), the following part of this blog-post, is going to be in "letter form," written as though I am actually talking (face to face) with my wonderful mother, Anna Faye (Willis) Hill❣️💞💞💞..."HI MOM...❣️💗😃...I've been missing, talking to, and seeing, you, SO, SO MUCH (more than I am capable of describing in mere words)❣️Something inside of me simply won't let myself accept that, you, have actually "crossed over," and that, you are now residing in HEAVEN / HOME❣️I CANNOT FATHOM it❣️It is definitely SURREAL❣️First of all, "let me say" that, of all the people, whom, I've known well throughout my life, you, more than anyone, exemplified what 1 Corinthians chapter 13, in The Bible, means❣️Something inside of me, mistakenly, assumed that, your presence would be available to me forever, without interruption❣️💔 Mom, you and dad, were the only humans, on whom, I knew that, I could always depend, especially, you - momma❣️Because, you were a HUGE part of the "foundation of my life," for fifty five years, and then, suddenly, you were GONE, it's "no wonder" that, I am having difficulty, processing and accepting, it, as is, Tina, and, the rest of our family, all of whom, also, GREATLY LOVE YOU❣️Acceptance that, you really are gone from earth, is going to take us a LONG, LONG time❣️💔🙏🏼 I'm out on the deck, as I write this morning, and, it seems as though, you are having God send me an abundance of "GODWINKS" (my daily "Hummingbird friend," and, his Hummingbird friends, Cardinals, and Butterflies)❣️🐦❤️🦋 Thank you, God and mother❣️☺️ Of course, I remember your fanatical 💛 of Hummingbirds❣️🐦 Well, mom, if, you had lived one more week, we probably would have fulfilled our plan, about which, we  spoke, a few days before you "passed away," to go to the 'Scioto County Fair,' and, thoroughly enjoy "chowing down" on all that unhealthy, "delish," fair food❣️🍕😘 This, is yet, another, of MANY heartbreaking, memories and thoughts, about you, which, continue to, bless or haunt (depending on different variables), me❣️😊😔🖤 I seriously wish that, I had hugged you the last time that, we were together, at the 'park-n-ride,' whenever, we passed by each other, while doing our car switch, remembering that, we had hugged earlier that day❣️😔❣️As, we passed by each other, I recall noticing that, you didn't look well at all❣️I contemplated hugging you, but, due to tiredness, the heat, and, wanting to get home, etc, I,  regrettably, did not❣️And,  instead of you and I going on our weekly excursion to the 'Portsmouth Farmer's Market,' on Tuesday, and then, meeting Tina in Chillicothe, for lunch, Tina, I, our family, and many others, were at the funeral home, honoring you at your "viewing"❣️💔 I, also, regret not telling you more often HOW VERY, BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL, that, I thought you were/are❣️😔 Because, you were/are such a "pure-hearted soul," and, typically chose to ignore, avoid, overlook, forgive, etc., the negatives, of and in, life and people, whenever, I was younger, I'd accuse you of living in a "DREAM WORLD," and, I'd sometimes call this, "QUEEN ANNIE'S DREAM WORLD"❣️Hehehe❣️😂 However, lately, I've been thinking that, life would be better for me, and, some other folks, IF, we were more like you were/are, as far as, NOT, focusing or dwelling, on the "NEGATIVES OF LIFE"❣️You actually LIVED the saying, "Keep your face to the sunshine, and, you cannot see a shadow"❣️🌞 But, I suppose, moderation and balance, are what The Bible encourages❣️📖🕊✝️ 💔😭 Every time, mine or Tina's, home phone rings, we haved discussed how that, we both immediately think it's you calling❣️💔 Oh, my goodness, mom, I shall, be forever GRATEFUL to GOD, and, CHERISH, ALL of the times that, I was BLESSED to have spent with you, especially, the "one on one" times, with just you and me, like the special, God given and graced ones, during the last few months (unbeknownst to us) before your "passing"❣️I don't know who NEEDED those sweet times more...you or I⁉️💝 I DO KNOW that, I DESPERATELY DID❣️😔😊💝 I am SO TERRIBLY SORRY for ALL of the times, in which, I hurt you, momma❣️Most of the time, I didn't intentionally try to hurt you, but, would feel bad about having done so, "after the fact"❣️The ole dirty devil TRIED to put a "wedge" between us, BUT, the glorious, GRACE, LOVE, ETC., of GOD, kept him from accomplishing it❣️💖✝️...PTL❣️🙌🏼😌 And, mother, although, I'm going to ATTEMPT to do so, by LIVING the remainder of my LIFE in such a way as to honor The Lord, you, dad, and, my loved ones, I am quite certain that, I'll never be able to REIMBURSE all of you (and, you, in particular) for EVERYTHING, in which, you gave, taught, exemplified to, ME, while I was TRULY GRACED BY YOUR BEAUTIFUL PRESENCE❣️I sincerely wish that, I'd, complimented and expressed to, you, while you were here, much more often, HOW VERY - THANKFUL, PROUD, HONORED, ETC., I was to have been your daughter, and, HOW wonderful, beautiful, kind, talented, etc. that, I thought you were❣️"SHOULD and COULD HAVES" ABOUND in my mind, concerning you, since you left us (5 weeks ago - tomorrow - today is Sat. 9/7/19)❣️Therefore, I am trying to do some deep introspection about our LIFE (our little Hill family unit of four), as, a family and individuals, AND, learn as much as possible from US, from the, good and the bad, and, APPLY it to my Life, today and futuristically, SURRENDERING and YIELDING, to our LORD, allowing HIM to lead me, breath by breath, day by day, step by step, through HIS perfect WILL for my LIFE, in which, HE and you (my parents and ancestors) have given me❣️📖🕊🙏🏼✝️💖 You know, mom, only now that, you are gone, am I able to begin to objectively examine you as a person, and, the "fuzziness" from our familiarity, which, obstructed me from being able to do this before you left, is clearing up, and, I am realizing more than I ever did, whenever you were alive, WHAT A VERY SPECIAL PERSON YOU WERE❣️You sincerely loved people (in this aspect - you were selfless), and, showed that you did, by the way, in which, you lived a life of, loving and serving people, in various ways❣️And, your relationship with Jesus definitely multiplied your, love and service, to others❣️I aspire to be more like, Jesus and you, as I continue living, mother❣️Hopefully and prayerfully, both, you and poppa, will help me to do so❣️🙏🏼✝️ You and I, both KNEW that, neither of us were/are "perfect," HOWEVER, you were as close to "perfect," in which, a human (from Adam's fallen race - a sinner saved by God's GRACE - through CHRIST JESUS) can be, DEAR MOTHER ANNA❣️💖 THANK YOU, for a "MILLION things," that, you were, did, and, didn't do, ETC., such as, "sticking with" dad throughout the long period of years, whenever, he was fighting that mean, "ole" demon of alcohol dependence, thus, fulfilling your marital vows to God, and, keeping our family unit together❣️🙏🏼 Today, Thursday, 9/26/19, earlier, The Good Lord helped me go visit aunt Betty, at the retirement center❣️She barely remembered you and I being there 21/2 months ago❣️I thank HIM for leading us there that day❣️We also had a blessed visit, didn't we, momma⁉️💗 The Dementia doesn't seem to be getting worse at this time - thank GOD❣️🙌🏼 She is SAD that you have left, too❣️I almost "broke down," whenever, I first saw her, and, we ((hugged))❣️😔I realize that, "the big break down," whenever, I finally accept that you are really GONE, IS coming❣️😕I wonder where it shall occur (probably the place to which I would least want)⁉️It actually could have happened at that moment today, but, HE helped me to stop it, mainly by putting the thought in my head to NOT upset auntie❣️🙌🏼💗After I left there, then, "ran a couple errands," I went to the cemetery to show my respect to you, and, my other loved ones, whom, are "laid to rest," out there, and, to put flowers in the vases on your monument❣️Darius and Livi, went out to the cemetery last weekend, and, he informed me that, the monuments are, dirty and need flowers❣️It blessed me that he went, and, cares about this❣️I am positive that, you love it, too❣️🖤I could go on and on "talking" to you, momma, but, I've ran out of room in this blog-post, however, I trust that, The Good Lord, tells you, or, lets you hear, me, talking to you oftentimes throughout these dreary days of grieving, due to my TREMENDOUS LOSS of YOU, my PRECIOUS, DEAR, BELOVED, MOTHER, and, "BFF"❣️You had said, recently, that, you wanted to take a little trip to 'The Smoky Mountains,' because, you hadn't been there for a while, therefore, I'm partly looking forward to, mine and David's, short "get away," down there, soon, but, I'm also, kind of sad, whenever, I think about you wanting to go❣️It won't seem right - not - picking out and purchasing - a souvenir for you❣️😔 I shall  NEVER quit missing YOU, and, shall always LOVE YOU, MOM😇❣️...Goodbye (temporarily)❣️And, Thanks to JESUS, I can say that, I'll see you, again, someday, in Heaven/HOME (where GOD, you, dad, and others, are)"❣️👋🏼✝️🖤...👋🏼...LIFE LESSON:  DON'T HOLD BACK ON EXPRESSING, LOVE AND APPRECIATION, to your parents, if, you still have them, because, most likely, you'll be regretful, if, you do hold back❣️😘 As, I've often, read and heard:  "LOVE your parents❣️ We are SO BUSY growing up, we OFTEN forget they are also growing OLD"❣️😔🙏🏼✝️💜 I recently read the  following quote on 'Pinterest,' and, have found it to be true..."Writing down your emotions has concrete health benefits❣️Studies have found that expressive writing HELPS physical wounds HEAL, as well"❣️(T-U - THEPSYCHMIND.com) 📝😘💖...👋🏼...until next post