💔🖤 'HEARTBROKEN' 🖤💔

🖤😪 GRIEF:  "The irony of GRIEF is that the person you need to talk to about how you've feel is the person that is no longer here"❗️(T-U - musicforgrief.com❣️) 💔 It is 12:47 a.m., 8/5/19 - the first Monday of my life of 55 years, in which, I'll spend - without the presence of my PRECIOUS mother, being, somewhere here (on earth) with me❣️💔 She was a VERY loving, strong, energetic, compassionate, special, ETC., WONDERFUL CHRISTIAN LADY❣️She was a 'PEOPLE PERSON,' which, proved helpful to her during her 55+ year career as a 'cosmetologist,' (retired)❣️She was definitely a "one of a kind" individual (in the GOOD sense)❣️💖 The Good Lord "called her HOME," yesterday evening, while, I was at 'Prayer Meeting,' after, her battle with various health issues, for a few years, especially, after her open heart surgery (almost two years ago)❣️Losing my wonderful mother is proving to be the most painful loss of my life, and, I've had to say goodbye to many loved ones, as a result of death, in the past❣️I had just pulled into our driveway, parked, and, was getting ready to go into the house, whenever, my cell phone rang❣️I saw that it was my husband, David, calling.  I answered, and, heard the worst news I've ever received - throughout my entire life❣️He simply said, "Kimmie, your mother has passed away"‼️I've never felt my emotions become SO quickly - out of control‼️My sister said that, she handled it the same way, in which, I did❗️The "bloodcurdling" screams, in which, I belted out in that van, probably, were heard by neighbors⁉️Then, I yelled out words, as loud as I could, such as, "NO," "I can't live without her," etc.‼️I knew that, I was too "shaken up" to drive to her apartment, where, her body remained - at that point❗️Then, he called back, telling me that, they were trying to revive her, because, the emt's discovered that, her torso was still warm, but, heartbreakingly, "TO NO AVAIL"‼️During that time, whenever, they were trying to revive her (20-30 minutes), I had decided that, if she lived, I was bringing her here to my home, and, would care for her, with the BAD BACK, with which, I deal, and, all (whether or not she agreed to it)❣️😔😢😪😭 I guess, whenever, my father passed, as terribly painful as it was, I still had my mother, so, that "sort of" helped⁉️ I had thought (before her death) that, I'd write about, how, God is more concerned with the condition of the Believer's soul, than HE is, about his/her "FEELING" "HAPPY"❣️And, although, that thought is, important and accurate (in my humble opinion), I now, feel compelled to write about the "passing on" of my beloved mother, of whom, I have written previously, but, not since her permanent residence has changed, from, southeastern Ohio to HEAVEN (I'm kind of jealous - 😘😂)❣️💔🖤 Heartbreakingly, Mother DID pass away, Sunday 8/4/19, somewhere between 6:30-7:30 p.m.❣️🖤 Yesterday, I almost convinced myself that, I was actually in a nightmare, and, would wake up soon❣️😔 However, it is REALITY...NOT a nightmare (it certainly feels like one)❣️It's difficult to explain, but, I'll try❣️Somehow, the child in me, I guess, thought that, my "larger than life" (seemingly) momma, the person, whom, had brought me into this world, and, upon whom, I knew that, I could always depend, would ALWAYS be here (for me)⁉️❣️WRONG‼️‼️💔🖤😪 Today is Tuesday 8/13/19, and, a week ago, we were at the funeral home, making her funeral arrangements, instead of, as, she and I had planned, going to the 'Portsmouth Farmer's Market' (as we had been doing the past couple months), then, going to Chillicothe, to meet my sister, Tina, for, lunch and fellowship❣️LIFE LESSON (insertion here):  APPRECIATE AND CHERISH, LIFE, AND, THE PEOPLE, WHOM, GOD HAS PUT IN IT (for, one truly does not know when "that last time" may be, with any given person)❣️AND, ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT, EVERY BREADTH IS A BLESSED GIFT❣️💝 Mother and I, always just KNEW that, we loved each other, even whenever, we had our "little" times of aggravation (which, is "normal," in mother/daughter relationships), happening between us❣️💗 😳😂😘 The past several years, we had not spent as much time together, as we had in the past, due to life's demands, etc. However, the past few months, I can retrospectively "see" now, that, God, in HIS foreknowledge (concerning her appointment with death), graciously granted, she and I, some very special, "one on one" / mother/daughter TIME together❣️And, for this PRECIOUS gift, I cannot thank HIM enough❣️ You see, I was in denial about how much her health had declined❣️ I knew that, she wasn't her "ole," strong, healthy self, mainly due to her, battle with Diabetes, and, inability to consistently discipline herself into eating a diabetic friendly diet (especially, after her "3-way bypass - open heart surgery")❣️😩 She had always been a healthy, strong, independent, etc. lady, but, the last several years of her life, unbeknownst to her, and, us (her family), her body was "paying the price" for an undisciplined (with exercise and diet) lifestyle❣️😔 In the past year or so, I've been seeing a commercial promoting spending time with one's parents, because, statistics support the correlation of, the more time children spend with them (parents), with, longer lives for the parents❣️Therefore, My Lord (by The Holy Spirit), began, laying it upon my mind/heart/soul spirit (being), to do so❣️So, I determined to spend as much, "one on one" (she and I) time, with her, as possible, not knowing HOW ill she actually was, and, HOW soon, I'd be forced to let her go❣️I am SO, grateful and thankful, for the past three months, and, the MANY,  gracious, God given, SPECIAL times, in which, momma Anna and I, shared, and, HE instigated❣️I am quite certain that, HE GRACED us with this sweet gift that, we BOTH desperately needed, and, I'll cherish, with my favorite memorirs, as long as HE allows me to have my "right mind"❣️🙌🏼🙏🏼😭💝 These gifts ("godwinks"), didn't, begin and/or end, with her death, either❣️HE has been "showing out" to us in powerful, yet, personal "Godwinks" (many, we only retrospectively realize), such as...reminding us, after we made her funeral arrangements, that, her, funeral and burial, was going to be on my father's birthday (8/7)❣️Another instance of the MANY special "Godwinks," that, HE gave us, before and after, mother's "passing," concerns her burial 👗 dress. Around ten years ago, I ordered a very pretty, semi-formal dress (actually, a black top - with - various colored, tiny beads, and, black skirt), for a special occasion, which, I cannot remember for what special occasion❣️It had hung in my closet, with the tags still attached, in an enclosed plastic bag. Every now and then, I'd consider taking it to 'Salvation Army,' but, for different reasons that, my mind surmised, I did not, and, now, I know why❣️Whenever, mother left us, none of the grief stricken women in our family, felt "up to" shopping for mother's "going away" clothes❣️The Holy Spirit brought that "dress" to my mind❣️The funeral director commented a few times that it was "perfect"❣️🖤 It was, because, it was part of God's perfect plan for Anna Faye (Willis) Hill's life❣️There is SO MUCH more that, I'd like to share about the "special, spiritual gifts," that, God has given us, tied to momma, however, I've run out of blog space, therefore, maybe, I'll elaborate on this subject in a future blog-post⁉️It is SO strange that, around one year ago, I "felt," as though I was "DONE," in life, then, BUT, I still had my mother (taking that I did "for granted")❣️😔 So, today, everyone (adults) are busy, and, I felt like I needed to go to mother's apartment by myself to say goodbye and try to accept the fact that, she's gone, and then, go to the cemetery, to see the actual dirt covering her casket, which, is where I am now❣️ IDK if it  helped me with the acceptance of her absence from this earthly realm, or, not⁉️Time shall tell, I suppose (ECCLESIASTES CH. 3)❣️Thankfully, it's a sunny Monday, lovely butterflies 🦋 🦋🦋("Godwinks") are fluttering all around me, as, Steven Curtis Chapman's song, 'Glorious Unfolding,' plays on 'K-LOVE'❣️It is now Tuesday, 8/20/19 and, mother's been gone 2 wks and 2 days❣️I want to see her name and phone # on my t.v., as, the phone rings, and then, hear her "chirpy" voice, saying something like, "Hi Kimmie❣️How are you doing today"⁉️😭Her hyperactive ways, would sometimes get on my nerves, and, I, unintentionally "took her for granted," in some ways, but, OH, HOW I'd love to spend even just one more day here, with her❣️😭💔...if, you still have your parents, take my advice, and, CHERISH them❣️😏😘🙏🏼 I simply cannot bear the thought of never hearing that endearing voice of hers, ever again, BUT, I have NO choice, SO, I cast myself upon my empathizing, compassionate Savior❣️😪🖤✝️🕊WEDNESDAY...today, I'm babysitting my two youngest "grand angels," remembering, whenever, my momma visited with us, the last time I watched them❣️She watched them a lot, despite how bad she evidently felt (one of hundreds of examples of the, strong and wonderful, lady - she was)❣️...I, also, now dread the upcoming holidays (without my mommy, who, thoroughly, celebrated and enjoyed, them all)❣️...your prayers are appreciated for our family, at this time of GREAT loss❣️It's difficult for our family (and, me, personally) to continue - without "OUR HEARTBEAT"❣️💔🖤🙏🏼...grieving...💔🖤 "A mother's job is to teach her children NOT to need her anymore❣️The hardest part of that job is accepting success"❣️- fb/audreylivesparis (thank you❣️) ✝️🙏🏼💞💞💞...(PSALMS 34:18)...💔🖤😢...👋🏼...until next post...