'CHANGING'

👩🏻 As I was driving home from church this evening, my thoughts were racing...mostly concerning my "present tense" LOW level of self confidence. 😔 For so many years, I had an abundance of it, and, of course,  it was just one more "gift," which was taken for granted by "LIL OLE ME!" 😕 You can bet that, IF, I am ever allowed by God to be self confident again, I'll NOT take it for granted, and, I'll give HIM ALL of the glory and honor for it, and, for restoring it!! 😘☺️ For a long time, I really believed and assumed (with every fiber of my being) that, anything I desired to do...I was able to actually DO (without questioning myself about it).  As I continued driving, I asked myself (mentally) things - such as, when had most of my self confidence left me, why did I let it leave me, and the such (?).  I suppose that, with the passing of time, it gradually dissolved, like a cube of sugar does - whenever it's dropped into a cold glass of iced tea, or something to that effect!? 😕 In my mind's estimation, there is no "one" entity to which I can attribute - as to being the culprit - for the disappearance of the majority of my self confidence, although, back when I was the consummate "people pleaser," could have done more damage, especially to my self confidence, than I realized!? 🤔 I must write that, I am quite surprised this has happened to ME! 😳 In a million years, my "lil," confident, younger self, could have never even imagined that, I would be where I am right now -  in this area of weak, self confidence, and, dealing with a few other areas of inadequacy,weakness, defeat, etc., (a couple of them, of which I have already written in other 'blog-posts') of my, being and/or life! 😐 I understand that, spiritually speaking, it is imperative for me to know, accept, and trust that, God is, allowing and using, ALL of these phenomenons with which I'm dealing (for couple years now) as part of "HIS refining process" of me, knowing that, HE'LL never discontinue - conforming me into the image of HIS glorious SON, CHRIST JESUS, my 'LORD!' 😏☺️😊🙏🏼 As I "dissect" this subject, which is "deep" within my little "pea brain," I realize that, A LOT of the confidence that - I ONCE had (and, hopefully, still do), was/is, partly put there by my Creator/God.  And, some of the confidence that I once had (maybe still do), was developed while I was growing up, simply learning - about and living - life (ALL - a part of God's plan), and, accomplishing various things, etc. (for example's sake - I had to have had - some self confidence - in order to have been a cheerleader for 10 years (3rd - 12th grade))!! 🎉🤔 Actually, the more I examine this subject, I DO have some ideas and memories of occurrences, etc., about which I'm not at liberty to write that, I am absolutely certain, have attributed tremendously to the dissipation of MUCH of my "once - very strong - self confidence!" 😳😏 One fact of life which I have discovered is that, simply LIVING (breathing) brings inevitable changes to everyone!  In one of my past 'blog-posts,' I wrote of the "old adage" that "death and taxes are the two certainties of life," and, now, I'm adding another one to it (in my thinking), and, it is...CHANGE (death, taxes, and change)! 💲🔥🖤 I disagree with the thought that, some things and/or people never change!  I mean, I understand that certain things about a person, shall probably never change, but, living life guarantees that everybody changes in some way, or ways!  For example, I'll probably never change from being a lover of chocolate 🍫to not being one!? 😘😂 However, being a lover of chocolate - has contributed to a change with me, which is, me becoming fatter!! 🤣 Hehehe!! 👱🏼‍♀️👵🏼💖 Please, understand, I realize that, there is a "deeper" meaning to that "ole adage!"  It does "seem" as though, some characteristics of some people, shall never change, therefore, we are tempted to assume that they won't!  But, ya know, as a testimonial to combat such pessimism, I am compelled to write that, there have been some negative qualities and weaknesses about myself, in which, I disliked, and, really believed could never change, BUT, God really has changed them! 🙌🏼 Because, I'm certain that they weren't changed by me (it had to have been God)!! 🙌🏼 Most Believers can testify to having been changed in some noticeable way (of something very personal within his/her soul, which he/she thought could never change) by God, also! 🙌🏼 And then, there are also yet, some other negative characteristics about myself that, I presently am skeptical shall ever change!  However, I believe that, GOD is able to change them, if and/or when HE so chooses, in honor of my faith, and, as an answer to my prayers!? ✝️ "On the other hand," there are some positive qualities that I possess, which, I hope and pray that, time and/or "whatever," don't change - like they've changed (lessened) my amount of self confidence. 🙏🏼 I cannot be the only person around who is dealing with such "stuff!?" Please, tell me that, there are other souls out there, who have lost, much +/or all, of your self confidence (I'd rather that you haven't - just trying to find some comfort 😉😂)! 💗 What I'm doing to rebuild my self confidence, besides walking (well, stumbling along) with 'The Good Lord,' is taking one, little, "baby-step" at a time, while choosing to DO pursuits of which I had let go, and, once upon a time, were, natural and easy, for me to commit and then actually DO (both of these actions - being very difficult for me to do - nowadays)! ‼️TIP:   blog/reader...whenever there's a big mountain in front of you (on the way to your destination) that, you must choose to climb or not, and, the totality of climbing it,  OVERWHELMS you, CHOOSE to commit to climbing it!  And then, LET GOD help you climb it - by faith - one, tiny STEP - at a time!  LET HIM carry everything you need for the climb!  Lean on HIM when necessary!  Always remember that HE shall make available anything that you need for your "climb," and, you only need to ask and or reach for HIM, to get HIS assistance (Phill. 4:13-19)‼️✝️ Cast any cares and concerns, etc. on HIM (keep your weight-load as light as possible) (1 Peter 5:7)!  Each step we take up our mountain, is part of our healing, and is making us stronger!  For me (applicable to this post), each step I take, shall be, rebuilding and restoring, my self confidence, and, other "hurts," as well!  For you, your steps upward, will bring whatever you need for your healing and strengthening!  It's okay to take breaks - every now and then, while continually "resting in Christ!"  🛐 It is my, prayer and hope that, with each decision, commitment, step, etc., that you and I make, that, my self confidence progressively gets stronger, and, whatever the problem is in which you are addressing, improves, as well!! 😘🙏🏼 We shall see!?  Time shall tell!?  Like so may things in life, once they've been damaged, they'll never again be the same as they were, but, often end up weaker, and even fragile!  However, there are some "entities" which - END UP - being stronger than they were before the brokenness occurred, and, I am, believing and expecting, for my "self confidence" issue, and, whatever issue it is on which you are concentrating, as we "climb" our mountains, to be SO (better than we were previously)!! 🙏🏼✝️🏔⛰🙌🏼  💔 (PSALM 147:3) 💔 My present tense, weak self confidence, is a "symptom" of my  "brokenness" (allowed by God), for my good (and other people's), and, SOMEHOW (don't ask me HOW!)...for GOD'S GLORY!!  And, as a means of encouragement (me encouraging others because I know how it feels)!  I am constantly reminding myself that I need to do this (2 Corinthians 1:4)!!  If, you don't already, you might want to try this, also!? 😘😊💜 Each time that, I CHOOSE to write one of these 'blog-posts,' is as though I'm taking one of those small steps, about which I wrote, above. 👣 Also, I'm trusting 'The Lord,' that HE is using them to minister to everyone (or - at least someone) who reads them! 🙏🏼 SO, as you are climbing your mountain (I hope - by faith), please find, comfort and encouragement, in knowing that, I am praying for you (trusting for God to give you exactly what HE knows you need to reach the top), and, remind yourself that, I and many others, are climbing our mountains, too! ⛰ I see a man at the top (by faith), whom, I am following!  HE'LL not lead me (nor you) astray!  It's my "Elder Brother," JESUS! ✝️ As long as I (and you) keep my eyes on HIM, I cannot fail! ✝️👀🙌🏼 At the top of the mountain, which daily, taunts me, and, threatens my ability to, succeed and gain victory, when I am finally standing there, with the wind against my back, and, my self confidence intact, that grueling mountain climb, shall have become - the insignificant slope behind me, and, everything it used in an attempt to, defeat and destroy, me, shall have ironically been used to, heal and strengthen, me (the Biblical story of Queen Esther just came to my mind - remember the account of Mordecai and Haman?)😉)! 📖💜 I gotta quit writing! 😳 Let's keep on climbing with JESUS - the best climbing partner around! ⛰ 🙌🏼 How 'bout whenever we find ourselves at "the top," let's "do lunch," and, swap climbing stories! 🍽🗣👂🏼😘 ✝️🙏🏼💜 😃👋🏼...until next time...