"Waiting for My Orders in a Strange Place"

     Have you ever found yourself at a "place" in your life that you cannot hardly believe...a "place" at which in your wildest dreams you never could have even imagined you could arrive?!  Well, that is where I am!  And, as I examine, how and why, I am at this "place," I realize that, although I've failed many times during the journey here, I have, overall, TRIED to be true to 'The Lord,' and, to myself.  I really am "at a loss" as to what step I need to take next, however, IF, I continue to seek, and yet, WAIT (Isaiah 40:31) upon, God for my next orders...HE'LL make HIS WILL clear to me (Exodus 14:13+14, Job 37:14, Numbers 9:8).  There ARE some things that I DO know that I need to continue doing (according to the Bible), while I'M WAITING, and they include - the "seeking" HIM area, such as:  praying, fasting, being faithful with Church, reading, studying, and obeying, 'The Word,' choosing to - put HIS agenda first (Matthew 16:33), loving, forgiving, accepting people as they are, etc., living in HIS PEACE (John 14:27), and the such.  As I am doing these things, I'll also be setting myself up - allowing God to, show and lead, me - to and through - HIS perfect will for me - one step at a time.  In the past, I understand now that, I got myself into trouble -  whenever I would jump ahead of God, and DO my own thing!  Then, eventually, I'd reach a point of frustration, desperation, defeat, and/or the like, and then, I'd cry out to HIM - AGAIN - to rescue me from the MESS that I'd made!  Guess what - HE always GRACED me, and, NEVER quit loving me, nor disowned me!  Why?  Because HE is a good, good Father!!  However, I usually have had to reap what I've sown (part of God's laws of life, which also serve as discipline and chastisement to HIS kids) (Hebrews chapter 12).  I am at this "place" today, as a result of all of these "mistakes," and, all of the "right" decisions and actions that I've made throughout my fifty four and a half years of living.  Despite the frustration that I "feel" presently, I am not at this "place" by accident (Romans chapter 8).   I do not like WAITING!  But, IF I jump ahead of HIM now, I am certain that I'll make another MESS!!  And, because I have learned that I don't want to reap the results of my mess, I DO believe, that I'll choose to WAIT on God's leadership concerning the remainder of my life - starting with the next (important) step (Proverbs 3:5+6) that I take!  Therefore, once again, right at this moment, I am casting all of my cares upon HIM (1 Peter 5:7)!  I am not ready to share publicly, yet, what I consider to be the biggest mistake of my life, but, PERHAPS, one day I'll be able!?  If and when, HE desires for me to share it, HE'LL clearly and unmistakably, let me know!  One of my biggest regrets, which I mentioned in a previous 'blog post,' is that, I did not finish college!  However, if finishing it is part of God's plan for me, HE'LL work it out for me to go, and help me to finish what I started!  We shall see!?!?  Besides being a born-again (spiritually alive - quickened) Believer/Christian, which was the wisest decision I've ever made (receiving Christ Jesus as my personal Savior), I think that choosing to be a "stay at home mother," especially whenever my children were young (for their sakes/benefit/welfare/etc.), was probably the most important decision of my life (I worked part-time/intermittently + sporadically - at various jobs, but, always with their welfare being my number one priority)!  And, although it was not easy (for various reasons), and, nerve racking - at times, I'm thankful that God, graced and helped me, to be able to do it!  Sometimes, a day (as is the case now) would seem, to drag and be very long, but, retrospectively, the years whenever our children were still living in our home, FLEW BY!!  I miss those days!!  I do NOT regret putting God (HIS will, and, my husband, David, is a part of it), nor - my children - first - in my life!!  I most certainly do not regret, supporting and encouraging, David - to evangelize, and, do God's will (I respect God, and, HIS call upon David too much to rebel against this), for countless reasons, with the main one being that - souls are "on the line!"  Every single, decision and/or action, each of us make - matters, and - somehow affects the "overall scheme of things" ("The Butterfly Effect")!  Oftentimes, we humans, minimize the significance of our personal actions and behavior, and the influence and affect they have on other people!  Everything we choose - to do - or - not - to do - matters (most of all - to God)!  "The Butterfly Effect," by - author - Andy Andrews - is a short, yet, very insightful and inspirational book, that I recommend you read, if, you haven't already, which covers this subject - very well.  For the time being, I am continuing to WAIT for 'The Lord' to reveal to me what my next "move/step" needs to be, so, will you, please, agree with me in prayer about this?!  For a few years, as I've been going through being in this "PLACE," my theme song has been, "While I'm Waiting," by - John Waller.  It is one of the songs in the movie, 'Fireproof.'  And, that is a fantastic movie (IMHO)!!  I'll continue to pray for you - all of the people who choose to read my 'blog posts,' as well!  The only thing that any of us really have - is this very moment (we are at God's mercy), therefore, why shouldn't we want to be doing exactly what God's plan is for it, after all, HE IS the 'ONE' who gave us our life!!  I desire to be doing HIS will whenever HE calls me 'HOME,' whether it be in 'The Rapture,' or by physical death!  I am also - by faith - believing and expecting - from God - for the manifestation of the complete - healing and wellness - of my entire being, and for HIM to drive away any demons that are oppressing me - such as - anxiety, dread, lack of - desire and motivation, etc. - in Jesus' precious name, standing on the finished work of 'The Cross,' and pleading 'HIS BLOOD'...for HIS - honor and glory!!  Please, prayer warriors, agree with me with these prayers, too!  Thank you, and, may God richly bless you!!  Someday, I shall no longer be in this strange "place" where I am today, and about which this 'blog post' covers!  And, HOPEFULLY, it will make more sense to me, and, I shall have gotten out of it - everything that God desires, which includes - using the lessons learned from it - to minister to other people - in Jesus' name! But, for NOW - here I am - in this "weird" "PLACE," so, this Friday evening- I'm just going to TRY and relax, enjoy each and very moment (moment by moment), drink another cup of strong, black coffee, listen to some good music, pray a little, socialize on 'social media' some, and, keep on "WAITING" for my next "order" from "HEADQUARTERS!!" ☺️🙏🏼 Until next time...👋🏼💖